Okay I’ll admit, I am one of those stupid people that will go to something just because my one favorite actor/actress is somehow involved in it. I hate pretty much anything Twilight, but if Mark Walhberg hit his head and suddenly decided to sign on for a Sparkles spinoff I would be front row and center cheering him on every glittery step of the way. If Charlize Theron popped up on the television today and told me to support Pampers for the sake of humanity, I probably would go out to my nearest store tomorrow and purchase a 12-pack of diapers—I don’t even know any kids that need diapers, but if Charlize says it’s okay dammit it has to be.

So last week I got to check out the premiere of Red Dawn, which hits theaters tomorrow and is actually a remake of the 1984 original with Patrick Swayze and a pre-hot mess Charlie Sheen which follows the story of two brothers who band together with a group of friends to take down an army of Soviet forces whom have invaded their town.

I liked the original film, so coming into the remake I had high hopes —it’s 2012 so the effects automatically will be cooler, the guns will be bigger and last but not least—this version features Chris Hemsworth and my latest Hollywood obsession, Josh Peck.

For those of you unaware, Josh Peck got his break from the Nickelodeon show Drake & Josh, and was sadly known as “the heavyset one”. Well, Josh got fine.

So I figured if all else failed in this film, at least Josh and his baby blues were there to help soften things up a bit. BUT Y’ALL. Let me tell you, even those baby blues could not save this film. I should have KNOWN to have cause for concern when the film started up and there were no previews—but I stayed in my seat and kept hope alive.

I always look at films from a writer’s standpoint, and whoever wrote this version of the film (I don’t care to look into it) clearly didn’t have patience and leaped straight over character development and went right into blowing shit up. It was probably even a smooth 22 minutes into the film before we even knew these people’s names—I still don’t even think I was fully introduced to everyone, but I know soandso got shot. And even with names, there still was no true attachment worked in for most of these people—so when something bad did happen, no one in my theater gave a fuck. Hell the characters in the film didn’t even give a fuck–there literally was one scene where a character discovered his parents were killed and pretty much the same night when asked about what he misses most pre-town takeover he answered “Call of Duty“. Oh, okay kid. The whole cast should have just ran around in circles for two hours because by the end everyone in the audience seemed left with more questions than answers.

I just went in for all the wrong reasons, expected a good outcome and was let down. If you’re just looking to get out the house and away from your cray cray family members–or to take them with you–for a moment to get lost in gun fire then I say do it. If you’d rather save your money, then I’d completely support your wait to Redbox it. Either way, GO AMERICAAAAAA.