December 21st. THE DAY. And by THE DAY, I actually just mean the day everyone who’s not on vacation gets their asses up and goes on to work because guess what? The world didn’t end. So now everyone’s expectations of this:
Can be postponed and now go back to this:
And even though the world didn’t come to an end today and we are continuing on into a new year, there are a few things that can be left behind after this anticipated day.
When ‘The Motto’ first came out, I think most can agree that the song was the jam. But then somewhere between jamming people started taking Drake‘s eyebrows a little too seriously and going beyond overboard with his phrase “YOLO”. For those living under a rock with the rest of the trolls “YOLO” stands for “You Only Live Once”. In case you were wondering if you live nine times or some shit.
No one should ever be scared to live or be more stiff than Demi Moore‘s dance moves, but YOLO should never be an excuse to “live it up” to the max or just completely throw common sense out the window because Wheelchair Jimmy told you so. Guaranteed Drake will not be there at your doctor’s visit for that baby’s update, penicillin shot or surgery to fix that broken collar bone because somebody decided to jump off the third floor. Let it go.
ANYTHING KARDASHIAN RELATED.
I’m sure all won’t agree, but some can agree that these people must go. Not go in an evil sense, just go–like off my television and shit. I just hear the name and get exhausted–I don’t care who Kat Killer Kim is fucking this year or that she didn’t take her meds this month, Bruce Jenner‘s face scares me, I’m sure Kourtney is pregnant with another kid, and the rest are just irrelevant. Like do I really need my news feed clouded up with the fact that Rob Kardashian is heartbroken because his girlfriend Rita Ora cheated on him with 29 dudes? NO. Because everyone should know not to trust someone with blonde hair and black eyebrows.
Honestly the only one I can tolerate is Khloe, and that’s probably because she’s not a real Kardashian.
Although I initially screamed out several profanities upon hearing the news of this, my inner Horror nerd will be dragging my ass front and center to the movie screen for Texas Chainsaw 3D January 4th. Who knows it might actually be good, but with that said–REMAKES MUST GO. Leatherface is tired y’all–it’s time for him to put down that chainsaw and go take a vacation somewhere. Maybe even get a girlfriend or two.
I really felt over remakes the day Hollywood decided to remake one of my all time favorites, Nightmare On Elm Street, and murdered it completely. Then people like Nicki Minaj were talking about hopping on the sequel to the remake. Put a condo on my wrist because I’m officially cashing out.
Along with Chainsaw, moviegoers can expect remakes to follow in the likes of Robocop, Dirty Dancing, and Evil Dead. I legit felt like someone kicked me in my imaginary nuts with steel toe dancing shoes upon hearing the announcement of the Dirty Dancing remake. As big into Horror I am, that little film softened my heart and gave me hope also that one day some hot guy with a bad boy persona would one day two step into my life and we’d shimmy our way to the top. It was a childhood staple. And let’s face it–no one can ever replace Patrick Swayze. Or put Baby in a corner.
I have no high hopes for that remake, but there might be a chance of hope in the Evil Dead reboot, only because the original creator and star, Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell are attached. And you gotta admit, trailer looks sick. *Britney Spears tiny claps*
PEOPLE THAT AIN’T ABOUT SHIT
If you know someone that has been on the same bull since the day you’ve met them–they still talking about that come-up plan but haven’t made any positive improvements to do so, always in some drama or has something ignorant to say, always broke but got money to go out and drink, still going to jail but always yelling about how they’re changing–whatever it is let them go. Surround yourself with people that are constantly striving to build themselves and motivate you to do the same.
With all that said, WE MADE IT. We can get back to our regularly scheduled program–and I don’t know about you guys but I got pizza, a Corona and a shopping mall list with my name on it.