Peeve This: The Fall Edition

Pet peeves. We all have them.

For those of you who might be confused on what the definition of a pet peeve might be it’s basically shit that IRKS YOU TO NO END OF RETURN.

And I have more than a few of them.

Of course for me, there the usual suspects: Math, creepers, people who clap when planes land, slow drivers, closed-minded people, botched movie remakes, liars and THAT. FAMILY.

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But lately there’s been a fresh batch of things that have been causing me to roll my eyes to the moment they might actually get stuck one day. I’m talking pet peeves: The Fall Edition.

BITSTRIPS

bitstripsIf you are a part of any type of social media, chances are this is flooding your newsfeed.

Bitstrips: “A creative comic app starring you or your friends”.

bitstripIt was cute for about 0.02 seconds.

enoughMost of them aren’t funny, look nothing like your friends and are pointless. Was cartooning oneself really necessary to explain that you ate too many bananas?

1cddbf88db8a10da749bdff59dce00e9*If you want to completely block this disaster from your news feed–you can follow the steps HERE.

MATCHMAKERS

Recently while I was out and about on errands I received a message from my older cousin–it was a picture of a young man in suit and the caption marked:

Interested?”

really2Like really?! Really. Has my life really tumbled down to THIS?!! My family is stopping suited randos in restaurants to pose for their mug shot to send over to me to YAY or NAY.

I am not here for it. In fact, I wouldn’t even know how to go about being here for it. Just briefly thinking about the whole scenario just makes me want to scream and shout. And let it all out.

Oh hello, my cousin sent me your picture earlier today and told me to call you. Love that bow tie, let’s do lunch“.

aaahhhhhhhThe reality is if I was purposely on the prowl I don’t need help being set up to fail. I do just fine on my own–the problem isn’t attracting a guy.

boy disappearlove lifeWe’ll dive more into this fuckshit later.

PEOPLE WHO CAN’T HANDLE THEIR ALCOHOL

I’ve discussed this briefly before and granted most of us have all been there a time or two. Or four. But constanly being the person who wants to go out when they clearly can’t handle it is not the business. There’s nothing attractive about someone who falls over and acts a plum fool all the damn time. How do you know when that line is crossed?

If you:

  • Are to the point where you are no longer speaking English while everyone else is still in the land of the U.S. of A.
  • Are no longer being handed shots, beer or cocktails but instead a nice cool glass of H2O.
  • Smell like you’ve been on a weekend cruise with Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes, Bobby Brown and the 2007 version of Britney Spears.
  • Find yourself being stared at like this:embarrassed (2)
  • Vomit in public.
  • Fall and bust your ass.
  • Are now unknowingly auditioning for the next edition of Girls/Dudes Gone Wild.
  • Suddenly have the urge to have sex with everyone. Even that mop in the corner can get it.
  • Drop or damage your phone.

If you qualify for any or all of these above then sweet baby it is time to to-go that water, catch a ride, take your ass home before you are tagged in any more photos and build up your tolerance or find a new hobby.

hot mess

THE SELFIE GUY

Selfie: A picture taken of yourself that is usually planned to be uploaded to Facebook, Instagram or any other sort of social networking website.

Overall I’m not much of a fan of selfies. At least not the ones that are posted on the daily.

b39842b3922327eda03a93fd7c81970bThe only thing worse than a girl posting 756 weekly pictures of herself in the car, mirror, in bed, at the gym, with coffee or an attached quotes is a guy who does it.

r-BIEBERSELFIE-large570no fingerLet’s not even dive hard into the male species who constantly post selfies. Actually, let’s.

Just woke up“.

Blessed“.

Waiting on Miss Right….”.

My hair is long“.

Work flow“.

T.U.T. Turn Up Time“.

are you doneGET A JOB, READ A BOOK, BUILD A BOOKSHELF, SAVE A PUPPY, COOK SOME STEAK, OR FIND AN AGENT IF YOU THINK YOU LOOK THAT GOOD. Either way, get the entire fuck out of my news feed.

And while we’re on the subject of seflies and social media, ladies: Don’t be this girl.

new socksJust don’t.

LORDE, Royals

lordeI really don’t know much about her besides the fact that she has a hauntingly beautiful voice, seems to have beef with a chunk of the music industry, and is like 12. Really, she’s 16. I’ve yet to pick up her full album but I know if I hear her hit song Royals one more time, I’m going to lose it.

escape (2)

CREEPERS, THE O.G EDITION

Twice in not even a full week my friends and I have encountered older gentlemen hitting on us. In society, that’s going to happen but lately I feel like it’s been getting out of control and I want to know who left the cage open. These old men are getting bold and not taking an easy no for an answer. funny-pick-up-line-grandpa-300x228To each is own but there’s nothing impressive to me about an aggressive senior citizen trying to be hip with the youngsters.

old guyold guy2

I have nothing to talk about romantically with someone whose birth certificate reads like they were crib buds with my grandfather.

Good day.

Good day to all of this.

7 comments

  1. This was really funny. I really hate selfies myself but my pet peeve are people who don’t indicate while driving. It seems so trivial and petty but it’s such a simple act that it blows my mind when people merge lanes without signaling.

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