dating

Breaking Up To Break It Down

Overall when it comes to reading advice on being forever alone single, dealing with men and dating/relationship advice, it normally goes in one little drunken ear and out the other.

dont careWhich the fact that I don’t pay much attention to any of these is most likely my problem today.

im the only single im the only single2

I just prefer to let life be the real teacher. Nothing can teach you like the experience of your own. And from random conversations with that one aunt.

gtf over it and move onWhile being told that wearing more camisoles and brightly colored cardigans will make you appear more friendly and less intimidating to latch you a man are eyeroll worthy, the advice columns about break-ups are usually the ones that are the fucking worst. Sure, some can be inspiring or thought provoking, but then there are others that troll in with advice like:

EAT YOUR FEELINGS

TAKE MEDICATION

SPILL ALL THE DETAILS OF THE BREAK-UP

TAKE A SUPER WILD TRIP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS

and the goddamn Nickelback worst:

GET UNDER A NEW GUY TO GET OVER THE OLD ONE

new mail4

Now, I almost wish that this person that recently made news read at LEAST that hot mess bundle of advice, because she clearly didn’t read the ones that were for sane people. Let’s just call her….Felicia.

ex bf calls

WTF

WHET

FELICIA. GURL.

That’s 121,669 shades of NO DAMN MA’AM. In a span of seven days.

You should call NO ONE 77,639 times in one week. NOT. ONE. SOUL. Not work related people, not your mama, not your amazing sibling, not Jake from State Farm, not your best friend from childhood, not Tyrone, not your fabulous friend that gets even more fabulous after they’ve have a few cocktails, not the pizza place, not even on Jesus. He has enough on his plate, sis.

jesusClearly you never read a break up tip post-it let alone an actual column, or owned an Beyonce‘ album, or had a heart to heart with someone or been forced to watch He’s Just Not That Into You with a girlfriend on a drunken Saturday night.

So, thanks for the inspiration on breaking this down, and this is for you Felicia.

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Peeve This: The Spring Edition

I think it’s safe to say that the time for my hiatus needs to and has come to an end. I’ve had enough of life’s busy schedule and unfortunately to the disappointment of my family and small gang of hopefully romantic friends it is not due to “having found a man”.

bitch get outAnd with the hiatus over I’m just in time considering last week marked the “first day” of Spring.

However it’s still cold as fuck outside.winterThat annoyance means it could only be time for a new edition of Peeve This: The Spring Edition.

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Throwback Tales: Welcome To The Dark Side: Part 3

From the start of what turned out to be a crazy ride into the world of online dating—from creeps to plain ole NOs to “Hell Night” with Zac Efron to the too much too soon headache that was wine guy, all seemed worth it in the end by the time I finally met my new friend in person.

We chose to meet up at a bar/dance hall where upon my arrival I was greeted with a huge hug and then taken by the hand to pay my entry in and then to the bar for a drink.swoonMy new friend was already established as a good looking guy from his profile and talking online, but none of that did him justice compared to what he was in person. From his Midwestern accent to his bright Hazel eyes to his quick wit responses and sense of humor that scarily seemed to match mine it was safe to say I was smitten kittens. Shit: I was becoming. THAT. GIRL.

After talking about each other’s week and a quick dance we then went to meet outside with the friends of my new friend, where I was jokingly introduced as his girlfriend. It was funny, hopefully one day reigning to be true, and cute—mostly because I knew he was joking. If someone like wine guy had did it, it would have been creepy because trust he’d mean every bit of that shit.

old creep stare

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Peeve This: The Winter Edition

It is clear that everyone has their fair share of pet peeves and last Fall I came to the realization that the list of things that annoy me is longer than I expected.

Just when you think you’ve reached your limit, some new trend or new annoyance twirls in….and that brings us to the part where we welcome Winter.

THE WEATHERpolar-vortexThis whole polar vortex malarkey has really been whipping everyone’s ass into shape this season.

snow dayThe freezing rain and high psychotic winds and snow was cute for about 10.5 minutes.

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Throwback Tales: Welcome To The Dark Side: Part 2 1/2

Over the end of last summer, I decided to break out of my comfort zone and enter the world of online dating. After combing through what seemed like countless profiles of NOs and surviving a date with a guy that looked like Zac Efron that I will now only refer to as “Hell Night”, I took my exit upon the new adventure and somehow managed to still keep two potentials: my new friend and wine guy.

Although things with my new friend had stepped up via Facebook messages no move or other point of contact was made.

Meanwhile wine guy swooped in for the interest and insisted on seeing me again for a second date.im excited im excited2 (more…)

Throwback Tales: Welcome To The Dark Side: Part 2

So a few weeks ago, I began to share the time of this past summer when I gave into the thought of trying online dating.

Almost a full week into it I’d ran across some party boys, a guy I used to be involved with, a guy who claimed I was his new B.F.F., a guy that looked like Glenn Close, guys who clearly weren’t schooled on proper pictures to use for a dating site (like really who are the chicks in your photo, sir) and a few other bunches of HELL NO.

lesbianRight when I was ready to back out of my decision of joining this online catastrophe I ended up connecting and chatting with a guy that had a mutual friend in common with me. My new friend was funny, sweet, never ran out of things to talk about with me and I genuinely began to look forward to hopping on and learning more about him and he seemed to feel the same. Could it be…..my luck was changing?!

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New Year, Same Mess

Okay, so almost full 15 solid days into 2014 and I can now say with confidence that I am still a mess.

A mess for my standards.

Granted, shit could always be worse.fc50l

I’m not really big on New Years resolutions because I’ve learned a long time ago they just aren’t for me due to the fact that I make all these false promises to myself and to other people only to fail miserably and/or get mad at myself.

I’m all for change and advancing to the better good but that’s something that should be strived for regardless, despite the oncoming new year.

Admit it. You’re tired of seeing it too.

“New Year, New Me”.

“No time for lames this year”.

“Switching it up this time”.

“About to get my sexy back. Y’all ain’t ready”.

shut up we don't care2014 is a new chapter, a blank one. I just want to make it better than the last book, but other than that I can’t make typical resolutions for myself for the new year and let’s break this down why.

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Lesson 2013

Coming into 2013, this year had a LOT to compete with in comparison to all of the changes that were made in 2012. I had moved out, broken up, started a blog, lost some old friends and gained some new ones. Like all of us I had no idea what to expect and now as I sit in the final day of this year I have to say this was the most interesting because I got to build on what has changed, grow more into the person I want to be, and truly take in what all 2013 has taught me.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1 Despite what Drake says, it’s okay to be open to new friends.

Overall I’ve gotten closer to people who were already in my life in some capacity but one person definitely comes to mind as a new friend I’ve gained this year and I couldn’t imagine having to have gone through this year without her. Her wit, her support, her wisdom, her encouragement–thank you for always being there to listen, to drink, to dance, throw shade, vent, make me laugh and proving it’s okay to let strangers into your circle. new friends
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Throwback Tales: Welcome To The Dark Side: Part 1.

At least once a month I like to throw in something I created on Throwback Thursday called “Throwback Tales”, which goes back in time to something ridiculous I’ve experience so we can all sit and laugh at what a fool how interesting life can be at times.

Considering this is the last Thursday of 2013, I saved this particular tale and something that happened this summer’s end for last. It definitely isn’t the most outrageous incident that has happened, but it inspired three parts of Throwback Tales and it’s something I said I would never, ever, ever do.

TRY ONLINE DATING.

d1040bad2e5684c6117a61f6a6336c58But after being pressured from friends and family members probably secretly browsing through brochures to throw me into a convent, I gave into the idea for over an entire month. And lived to blog about it.

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Cuffing Season Is Here

Ready or not, here it comes!

cuffing season

Cuffing Season: During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship.

Cuff

So, if you still aren’t aware of what exactly is “Cuffing Season” or what are the signs of this Fall phenomenon allow me to break this down.

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