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Peeve This: The Winter Edition

It is clear that everyone has their fair share of pet peeves and last Fall I came to the realization that the list of things that annoy me is longer than I expected.

Just when you think you’ve reached your limit, some new trend or new annoyance twirls in….and that brings us to the part where we welcome Winter.

THE WEATHERpolar-vortexThis whole polar vortex malarkey has really been whipping everyone’s ass into shape this season.

snow dayThe freezing rain and high psychotic winds and snow was cute for about 10.5 minutes.

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Throwback Tales: Welcome To The Dark Side: Part 2 1/2

Over the end of last summer, I decided to break out of my comfort zone and enter the world of online dating. After combing through what seemed like countless profiles of NOs and surviving a date with a guy that looked like Zac Efron that I will now only refer to as “Hell Night”, I took my exit upon the new adventure and somehow managed to still keep two potentials: my new friend and wine guy.

Although things with my new friend had stepped up via Facebook messages no move or other point of contact was made.

Meanwhile wine guy swooped in for the interest and insisted on seeing me again for a second date.im excited im excited2 (more…)

Survival Of The Mess: A Guide.

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At some point or another, we all get stuck doing things we have to do, but don’t want to do. Jury duty, car maintenance, enduring long car rides with your crazy family members, finding yourself stuck in an aiport before/after a flight–whatever the case may be, it is a must to always ALWAYS come prepared and be ready for any long boring situation thrown your way.

If the mark is missed, you could be left alone and channeling your inner 2007 Britney Spears.

imsadWe don’t want to be sad, so let’s run down the must-haves, shall we?

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Peeve This: The Fall Edition

Pet peeves. We all have them.

For those of you who might be confused on what the definition of a pet peeve might be it’s basically shit that IRKS YOU TO NO END OF RETURN.

And I have more than a few of them.

Of course for me, there the usual suspects: Math, creepers, people who clap when planes land, slow drivers, closed-minded people, botched movie remakes, liars and THAT. FAMILY.

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But lately there’s been a fresh batch of things that have been causing me to roll my eyes to the moment they might actually get stuck one day. I’m talking pet peeves: The Fall Edition.

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Toast To The “Cool Kids”.

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Believe me when I say I was not the cool kid in school. I didn’t play for any teams, didn’t belong to any clubs or papers surprisingly (our newspaper sucked), and didn’t cheer or dance. At least not in public.

Believe me when I also say I wasn’t the loser either walking around burned out and high or getting shoved in lockers. I think I made it clear in third grade that I wasn’t the one when that girl LaTasha somebody tried to bully me for my zebra cake. Maybe it was the little twinkle of crazy in my eye, or the fact that I’ve been my height of 5’7ish basically since birth. Or it could be that when I stood up I leaned in her ear and whispered that if she ate my cake I’d tear her face off and eat it.

It was quickly returned and LaTasha and her face went on to another day and another victim.

I did eventually get into a fight a year later with a girl that clearly had a vision problem and missed the twinkle in my eye–to sum up that story I got sent to the principal’s office. She got sent to the nurse.

Eventually I went on to be just kind of around in school. I had my circle of friends, I made decent grades and would get an occasional compliment that my hair was pretty or that I was funny.

So fast forward into the era of social media. Where everyone and anyone you remotely went to school with wants to be your friend. At one point even LaTasha requested me.

BITCH YOU TRIED TO STEAL MY ZEBRA CAKE.

Chappelle Diss

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BYE FELICIA!

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“Bye Felicia”:  When someone says something that you really could give two shits about—their name then becomes “felicia”, a random bitch that nobody is sad to see go. They’re real name becomes irrelevant and instead, they now are “Felicia”.

Everyone has their signature catchphrase that they have or they’re known for. I think I have a few of them but the one I am most known for lately with people that know me is calling out Felicia.

Now everyone seems to do it. Because it just works for shit you just don’t have time for.

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I’ll always have time for Sweet Brown, but the Felicias of the world have got to go.

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The True Inner Demon

Seven months. Seven productive, positive life changing months of being clean before I caved back in. No I’m not talking about drugs; I’m talking about something much, much worse.

The blue Devil in the flesh. Everyone can take a break from it here and there, but you can never truly stay gone forever. I have determined that it is simply just not humanly possible. It’s like my Aunt Jerry’s house–you go because it’s familiar, you stay for all the crazy people and when it’s time to leave you wonder why you keep torturing yourself and going over to that goddamn house anyways.

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